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papa stas
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A paraprosdokian (from Greek "pa?a-", meaning "beyond" and "p??sd???a", meaning "expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. Examples:
“Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.”
"If I am reading this graph correctly – I would be very surprised." — Stephen Colbert
"If you are going through hell, keep going." — Winston Churchill
"I sleep 8 hours a day. And at least 10 at night."
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
There's a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so they can't get away.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
The difference between a CHAMP and a CHUMP is U.
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antonygloster
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Reviewed your para wotsits. Great. Definitely eight 5s. Although you do seem to be 'telling' rather than 'showing', and I wasn't entirely sure of the genre. Or indeed even whether it was fact or fiction. Only suggestion is that, 'Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.' would maybe read better as, 'Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually the other woman.'
AG
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papa stas
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Quote: antonygloster, Thursday, 2 Sep 2010 14:32Definitely eight 5s.
Thank you kindly for your grades -
hope it places me into that upper atmosphere -
of TOP 10
Quote: antonygloster, Thursday, 2 Sep 2010 14:32Although you do seem to be 'telling' rather than 'showing',
I’m a firm believer in the sulcus school of writing
Write what ya want –
Anyway ya want to.
Quote: antonygloster, Thursday, 2 Sep 2010 14:32I wasn't entirely sure of the genre. Or indeed even whether it was fact or fiction.
I’ll have to look at this again –
Thought I was writing an autobiography but –
it seems it didn’t work.
Quote: antonygloster, Thursday, 2 Sep 2010 14:32Only suggestion is that, 'Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.' would maybe read better as, 'Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually the other woman.'
Perhaps you’re onto something with the flip of words.
Just goes to show ya –
“You’re never to old –
to learn something,
Stupid."
papa
stas (who believes that if ya eat a live toad in the morning, nothing else bad will happen to ya for the rest of the day)
This post was last edited by papa stas, 02 Sep 2010, 15:49
The difference between a CHAMP and a CHUMP is U.
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sulcus
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The late lamented British comic Tommy Cooper made a career of such word gags. There are 2 currently being used in a radio ad campaign: "I was at the travel agtents the other day and they had some posters up. There was one for Mallorca I liked the look of so I said 'I'd like to go there' and the bloke pinned me up against the wall" "I went to the doctors and told him I keep breaking my arm in several places. So he said 'don't go to those places then'"
"A,B&E", "Not In My Name" and "52FF" (flash fiction anthology) all available on Amazon Kindle"How a psychopath makes sweet love. I can get you ringside. Royal box even."
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papa stas
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Yo sulcus - funny stuff.
Here's some from one of my favs Rodney Dangerfield.
A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Life is just a bowl of pits.
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
The difference between a CHAMP and a CHUMP is U.
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Zak Spundy
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If I could say a few words, I would be a better speaker (Homer Simpson). These are great. It's another inspirational thread, words to play with. How about this one: He won a gold medal at the Olympic Games, but was disappointed because he didn't break the World Record.Okay, not that great, but it's linked to a conversation I had with someone earlier today. Thanks Papa, I've learned something today, not stupid either.
lines from the word lab
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Thursday' Joke
02 Sep 2010, 11:18
