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Thanks clio01
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sod
 16 Feb 2011, 14:26 #111105 Reply To Post
Thanks for your review. Yes the start has changed quite a bit.
You mention that it is not very believable for a nurse to say - 'Get out! Now! Now! Go!' - I would agree with that, if it was the nurse who was actually saying it, but it is Sarah. Sarah uses the same sort of dialogue to her mother a little before this and I thought it would be clear to the reader that it was her saying it. Obviously not.
Thanks for pointing out the question about David. He entered in the very next paragraph from the uploaded text (I didn't realise I had chopped that bit out)
Thanks again.
Lisa.

Sorry, it seems I have clicked on the wrong one. It should be in the thank you forum.
This post was last edited by sod, 16 Feb 2011, 14:29
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