Thank you for taking the time to review my story. Your notes regarding the flagging pace at the end of the first scene, and the overwhelming number of names thrown at the reader, are tremendously helpful. The reason the excerpt is so short is that I realise YWO members have busy lives, and I'd rather they spent half an hour or so reading and commenting on my stuff than four days deciding to remove the assignment - I won't learn much from that! Another reason is to make sure it does not qualify for the stipulated story/opening chapters length to qualify for the Top Ten, so I don't need to mess about thinking about satisfying the 8-point scoring system or wasting my time checking Chart positions - I won't write much doing that! I was delighted that you would have continued to read, had there been more. What more can a story-teller ask for? Thanks again.
awrigley - what a wanker!