What colour are Thanasopholissess’s eyes?

• Blue
• Green
• Hazel
• Who gives a flying fuck? Green, probably, to make her appear special. But this is nothing a control F can’t fix ... the beautiful blue sky... the wonderful blue boots... the sparkly blue ocean... dazzling blue eyeballs... so they’re blue. Is this central to the plot? Really? Am I supposed to have memorised each physical attribute?

What was the name of the man who appeared once, to sell them some stamps, never to appear again?

• Rupert
• Rudolph
• Rudolf
Ha ha, gotcha with a tricksey! You thought it was Rudolph, didn’t you! But I spelt it funny! That just goes to prove you only SKIM READ my work, since you didn’t MEMORISE the random spellings and minor details!

Why do you think Rudolf fell in love with Thfadfjlasdfj?

• She had beautiful blue eyes
• He liked the way she swayed her hips sexily
• His former spouse was a control freak and he was after a younger woman he could dominate, but I don’t really know because I wasn’t there for the therapy and anyway, this is a higher level question requiring interpretation on my part and could actually swing either way.

Don’t ask me to answer these kinds of questions. Please. You may think you’re weeding out the dummies but, in fact, you’re weeding out the reviewers who may have interpreted your work differently from how you intended, because you’re not in full control of the reader’s response. Don’t you know that NO AMOUNT of tricky questioning is going to weed out the dummies? We dummies are selectively stupid, don’t ya know?

What did the violets smell like?

• Piss
• Feet
• What violets? Where? Oh, I remember some roses that smelt like feet – did you change it to violets later in your editing, forgetting to go back and change your questions?? But hang on, there’s also some jasmine that smells like piss...

It's always worth pressing the 'back' button to return to your review (which I'm sure you've spent significant time on) when you get a reading test like this. Then you can point out (politely?) what is wrong with it as a P.S. at the bottom of your review.
It will always be there as a reminder of their error (unless they delete it) and a possible warning to others.
But if they're Newbies, please be gentle... ... an honest insult is so much better than an insincere flattery...

Color of eyes may be important to the story but not to the extract. I do pay attention to these things because those blue eyes in a race of people who have always been known to have brown could be pivotal point in the plot.

I happen to like limited descriptions. An ocean or a body of water can be green, blue, or shades in between. It can also appear red or brown if polluted or if it lies on another planet. It really depends on what the writer is trying to get across. Think Dune. The one thing that stood out in my mind were the descriptions of the blue eyes and the suits that created drinking water from the wearer's own sweat. Sometimes the descriptions aren't necessary but many times, they are. That's all I wanted to say. Jen

"Those who control their passions do so because their passions are weak enough to be controlled." William Blake

my blog

I don't make use of the back button - I make use of the open in a new tab feature. I'm CONSTANTLY ducking back and forth to find the answers to the questions.

My point is simply that I shouldn't have to. Every now and then I get a series of questions which I can answer without ducking back once. These are good, broad and relevant questions.

Yeah Gabriella, sometimes the eye-colour is important to the plot. But generally it isn't. So many times I find a policeman with 'steely blue eyes' or a witch with 'red hair and green eyes' and unless the viewpoint character is summing up the character in a sexual way, I reckon mentioning the eye-colour is a bit weird. Last time I was pulled over by a cop I didn't take notice of his eyes and couldn't tell you what colour they were. (I can tell you he had a cold sore on his chin, and his expression told me he wouldn't be swayed by shameless flirtation.)

When it comes to questions, I have the same criticisms re 'how many feet long was the ladder?', or 'How mouldy were the dog's toenails?' or anything else so specific that the reader may not have memorised it.

(By the way, I'm not having a go at anyone in particular - I agree - let's be kind to the new people to the site.)

In a belated effort not to sound like a whinger, here are the sorts of questions I DO really like:

In what country is this set?
What happened after....?
What happened at the end?

That sort of thing, with choices which are completely unambiguous, distinct from one another and (my favourite kind) vaguely amusing.

Yes, I noticed it too.

So I'm glad I sent it on to her via Sue. She obviously takes criticism well and she'll do well on here.

Hemmie's questions weren't suffering from the above, apart from her last one which had obviously been edited out of the text. Her other questions were easy. As a newbie, she managed to stuff it up in some other way.

But I've had quite a month of it, and it was time for another rant.