Random House are the publisher of bestselling authors such as John Grisham and Terry Pratchett. Each month on YouWriteOn editors from Random House and Orion provide an indepth critique of up to three highly rated YouWriteOn Top Ten novel openings, and mini-reviews of the rest of the top ten stories.
Thank you for all your stories, and congratulations to James (Some Times) and Brian (Dead in the Water) – the Random House editor would like to see more of your stories. Click here to view the story extract links for the stories reviewed below which are listed under February for 2010Some Times by James NattoDear James,
Congratulations on Some Times, the sample section of which I very much enjoyed taking a look at, and for being chosen for a critique. Your characters and the fragment of story I read stayed in my head long after I stopped reading which, given the amount of manuscripts I see each week, is a real credit to you. There were also times when I became very engrossed in what I was reading, rather than stopping to make notes – again something very rare.
I think you have some fantastic elements in here and for the most part, my comments are about making more of what is already in there and finding a way to drive the novel forward. These are obviously only my thoughts and suggestions, but I do hope you find them useful in some way.
Narrative and structure
I was gripped immediately by the strong, distinctive narrative voice and central character you’ve created. You manage to make the voice of your main protagonist very believable and very human in a short space of time, allowing us to connect with him and the trauma his family has faced.
I also enjoyed the way you bravely and cleverly tease out background information in snatches for your readers. There are some lovely linguistic and structural touches and details and really lift the narrative in places. These add a real air of mystery – not only do we want to know about the accident and his son, but we want to know about the narrator himself and about his own back story.
I think for the most part you have done this very successfully, but very occasionally, however, in places this innovative structure feels a little jerky and potentially confusing for your reader. The asides are interesting, but moving from Daniel’s story to the narrator’s background to a random aside can be a little disorientating. I wonder if there are places where this could be smoothed out a little?
Action
Whilst on one hand I really liked your experimental structure and narrative, I also think it’s potentially problematic. In these opening pages, you’re telling us an awful lot rather than showing us. I realise you want, and need, to allow your reader to get to know your characters and their set-up, but after a while I began to crave some direct, immediate action. Have you planned to tell the whole novel in retrospect as is the case in these opening sections? It’s very powerful, and allows for you to give us a lot of information in a relatively short space of time but I do think readers will want something to drive the story forward rather than be constantly looking back. I imagine you’d write a scene between your central character and his wife or with his son in the present brilliantly, for example, and this would also help bring them to life a little more as characters.
Central character
As I mentioned earlier I think you’ve created a very strong, intriguing character at the heart of your novel and I think your readers will find him both sympathetic and intriguing. However, following on from my earlier point really, we never actually see him partaking in any immediate human interaction. We only hear about it in the past and I think the story would really benefit from an addition of this kind to allow us to get to grips with him as a character.
I like the way your narrator seems to directly address the reader at times, but this also means he comes across as very self-aware about the story he’s telling. With this in mind some of his asides can be a little irritating. I think invoking this feeling in your readers can serve to make him a more well-rounded character, but I do think it’s a careful balance as your readers really do need to care about him and the story he’s telling.
Where next?
Without a more detailed synopsis, I have no idea where you intend to take this story next. After reading the sample, I actually thought that you’d written a short story – the way you’ve ended this sample section (with a beautifully written passage) very much gives a sense of closure. And after checking, your pitch I see this was intentional. As it stands, I think Some Times works as a short story, although there are strands that I’d love to know more about: his drinking, his relationship with his wife, the actual details of the accident etc.
But if you do intend to or have already written this as a full-length novel I think these opening chapters could be a little more impactful and effective. At times they feel a little like an overly long introduction due to the reminiscing. If you think there is a way to do it successfully, I think this section would benefit from having some action in some of the scenes.
Congratulations again on such an original piece of work. I think you have created a potentially very strong, powerful novel with Some Times and I wish you the very best of luck with it. You’ve also given your novel a strong title which I think fits the tone and air of your story.
It’s hard to comment in too much detail on where I could see the book sitting, or lovers of which genre it will appeal to, because I’m not sure where you take the novel next. However, whatever you chose to do with it will, I’m sure, be successful as you’re clearly a very accomplished writer with some lovely touches.
Very best wishes,
Ruth
Random House
NEW RANDOM HOUSE CRITIQUES - MARCH
15 Mar 2010, 17:50
