Random House are the publisher of bestselling authors such as John Grisham and Terry Pratchett. Each month on YouWriteOn editors from Random House and Orion provide an indepth critique of up to three highly rated YouWriteOn Top Ten novel openings, and mini-reviews of the rest of the top ten stories.
Click here to view the story extract links for the stories reviewed below which are listed under March for 2010Meggie BlackthornDear Elizabeth
Congratulations on being selected for the professional critique. I enjoyed the first few chapters of Meggie Blackthorn and would have happily read on. I think one of your strengths lies in creating a sense of place and atmosphere. I really enjoyed your descriptions of the area Meggie lives in and the coal pits. I thought the way you compared the iron towers on the ‘long black mountain’ with the little boy, Jack’s Meccano set conjured up a vivid picture of the area.
Structure
I think the quite linear structure of the first few chapters that we have here works well. It doesn’t feel overly simplistic, but rather seems to suit the subject matter and the fact that the story is from young Meggie’s perspective. I think the way you bring in the history of the area and a description of the setting fits nicely and doesn’t feel at all forced in the context of the rest of the story.
I also think your opening is strong and immediately draws the reader in – we know from the outset that this is a troubled family where the mother is at home trying to make ends meet, and whilst the father has been out to work all day, he’s forgotten to order the coal and very likely drunk the money he was meant to use to pay for it. We see the strained atmosphere from the start.
I’d be interested to know whether you will continue to employ a similar structure throughout? Or if when Meggie moves away and lives with her grandparents you might want to vary it a little?
Tone
I found the tone perhaps slightly depressing in places, but I think that is symptomatic of the subject matter. I did feel however, that Meggie’s optimism, ingenuity and adventurous spirit tempered this to some degree. I wondered if perhaps a couple of sections could be shortened – where Meggie’s parents are arguing and also where Meggie and Jack are playing in the mysterious village – I was eager to get back to the action and felt that these sections could perhaps be slightly truncated. I think if you shortened both you would still retain a balance between the unhappiness of the earlier scenes and the carefree enjoyment by the river.
Characterisation
Overall I thought this was good. I think your central character, Meggie, is nicely drawn and a sympathetic character your readers will feel they can empathise with. She’s striving against adversity and judging by your synopsis aspires to better her lot. I also like her feisty can-do approach.
So far Jack and Meggie’s parents are the only other characters we really see in any depth. Jack’s a nice character – he’s sometimes a little naughty, but is keen to get involved with Meggie’s idea to fetch some coal to help their mother. I was slightly surprised when we’re told he cried at one point us the description of him at the outset – his escapades when walking the dog – had initially made me think he was an older boy, nearer Meggie’s age. I wonder whether toning this down a little – the talk of cigarettes in the wood – would mean the reader would understand he was quite young from the start?
I think Meggie’s parents might be an area you could perhaps take another look at. Whilst I like that although her mum is struggling, she still has spirit and is willing to have a go at chopping the wood, albeit with a rather useless tool. I wonder if you can flesh her out still further, by having a little more about her and her relationship with the children when the father is away at work and Meggie is planning to get the coal? I also think it would be good to have a bit more about Meggie’s father, but perhaps this comes later? At the moment of the four characters he seems the least developed – I’d love to know why he behaves the way he does.
Setting
As I mentioned at the beginning of this letter, I think the way you create a sense of place is great. I can really imagine the sort of village Meggie and her family live in and also the look and feel of the surrounding pits. If anything I’d love to see more of this as the novel develops because what we have here is so evocative.
I did slightly wonder about the idyllic village that the children find near the piles of coal. I wondered when I read the synopsis if this was even meant to be a real village – I thought perhaps it could be an element of magical realism in the story. Having read the chapters I think you probably envisaged it as a lovely real village, which the children had never gone far enough to find – almost a mask to their own slightly grim village? I think perhaps you could slightly tweak this and also the section in your synopsis which refers to it so that either way it’s slightly clearer quite what this village is meant to be. Overall though great descriptions of place, which I felt showed a knowledge of the area.
Plot
It’s fairly difficult to comment on the plot based on the few chapters we have, but judging by the synopsis you have a good idea of where the story will go. I think the idea of Meggie going to live with her grandparents is nice, but be careful to make sure that the reader doesn’t lose touch with the characters we’ve met up until that point. The idea of Meggie returning for Christmas should help.
At the moment I’m not completely sure about the two attempts to expose Mrs Fish and think it might be worth looking at this section again. Billy would have to be a very unpleasant character indeed for this to be convincing – for two adults, Meggie and Dave to be really frightened of him. The way Billy treats Meggie would be enough for her grandfather to sack him and report him to the police I would have thought and although she might be frightened to reveal this at first, surely when her grandfather tells her that Billy has threatened them too, she would explain all to him?
Genre/Market
I wasn’t quite sure where you envisaged this sitting in the marketplace? I think perhaps because Meggie, our central character, is about to go to secondary school, it would maybe be for the 11+ market? I think Meggie has a strong voice and is a good feisty female character. That said historical fiction for this age group is quite difficult unless you have a specific hook or unique selling point. Sometimes historical books based loosely on real life amazing events work or books which have strong universal themes.
Continues next post
NEW RANDOM HOUSE CRITIQUES - APRIL
13 Apr 2010, 13:04
