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Is this a bad sentance?
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BenjaminHiggott
 03 Apr 2011, 23:09 #114740 Reply To Post
I laughed when I read the following sentance in a book, but after thinking about it some more, it's technically correct. Would you write it? And what are your thoughts on the use of simlar words that may lead the reader in the wrong direction.

"She was greeted by her family in various fashions"

In this sentence fashion was written to mean a mannerism not a clothing style
This post was last edited by BenjaminHiggott, 03 Apr 2011, 23:28
kjstueve
 04 Apr 2011, 00:28 #114745 Reply To Post
Well, I think it's a fine sentence. The word "fashion" doesn't just refer to the way people dress, it refers to the way people do things.

You can greet people in a "friendly fashion".

I think your amusement at this just means you need to broaden your reading and get more exposure to the different ways people use words.
BenjaminHiggott
 04 Apr 2011, 00:58 #114747 Reply To Post
Quote: kjstueve, Monday, 4 Apr 2011 00:28
Well, I think it's a fine sentence. The word "fashion" doesn't just refer to the way people dress, it refers to the way people do things.

You can greet people in a "friendly fashion".

I think your amusement at this just means you need to broaden your reading and get more exposure to the different ways people use words.


I understand the meanings of the word "Fashion" that was not my question.
And you didnt need to tell me that "fashion doesn't just refer to the way people dress" as my question already states this.
This post was last edited by BenjaminHiggott, 04 Apr 2011, 01:12
DaiBach
 04 Apr 2011, 04:38 #114751 Reply To Post
Quote: BenjaminHiggott, Sunday, 3 Apr 2011 23:09
I laughed when I read the following sentance in a book, but after thinking about it some more, it's technically correct. Would you write it? And what are your thoughts on the use of simlar words that may lead the reader in the wrong direction.

"She was greeted by her family in various fashions"

In this sentence fashion was written to mean a mannerism not a clothing style


Well, it does sound odd, but presumably she was treated in a different fashion by at least two of her family, i.e. a warm fashion and a cool fashion and maybe an enthusiastic fashion, so a 'plural' of fashion is correct.

But it would have made me stop and think for a while, and this, it seems, is a cardinal sin in the eyes of the 'Creative Writing' mafia.

I would have had the author put on trial.

Maybe you could find examples of 'authorial intervention', and changes in POV, the whole gamut of bad writing.

Perhaps a whole charge sheet could be built up against him/her, and a show trial, in front of the cameras would let the world know just how bad this is.

I have just finished re-reading 'Burmese Days' by George Orwell. Only now, after three years on YWO, do I realise what a bad writer he was.

Unless, maybe, 'Newspeak' was an invention of his which dimly made out the effect of Creative Writing courses on fiction.
notleyab
 04 Apr 2011, 11:15 #114781 Reply To Post
Quote: DaiBach, Monday, 4 Apr 2011 04:38
Quote: BenjaminHiggott, Sunday, 3 Apr 2011 23:09
I laughed when I read the following sentance in a book, but after thinking about it some more, it's technically correct. Would you write it? And what are your thoughts on the use of simlar words that may lead the reader in the wrong direction.

"She was greeted by her family in various fashions"

In this sentence fashion was written to mean a mannerism not a clothing style


Well, it does sound odd, but presumably she was treated in a different fashion by at least two of her family, i.e. a warm fashion and a cool fashion and maybe an enthusiastic fashion, so a 'plural' of fashion is correct.

But it would have made me stop and think for a while, and this, it seems, is a cardinal sin in the eyes of the 'Creative Writing' mafia.

I would have had the author put on trial.

Maybe you could find examples of 'authorial intervention', and changes in POV, the whole gamut of bad writing.

Perhaps a whole charge sheet could be built up against him/her, and a show trial, in front of the cameras would let the world know just how bad this is.

I have just finished re-reading 'Burmese Days' by George Orwell. Only now, after three years on YWO, do I realise what a bad writer he was.

Unless, maybe, 'Newspeak' was an invention of his which dimly made out the effect of Creative Writing courses on fiction.


how dare you. go wash yr mouth out - fingers at least - with soap & water.
the day you write a tenth as well as George I promise you an all five score sheet on here.
OK, with BD he was getting into the flow, but the fact he's still so readable after so many years says reams.
A bit like 60s music - he stands the test of time.
browser1
 04 Apr 2011, 17:01 #114810 Reply To Post
Quote: BenjaminHiggott, Sunday, 3 Apr 2011 23:09
I laughed when I read the following sentance in a book, but after thinking about it some more, it's technically correct. Would you write it? And what are your thoughts on the use of simlar words that may lead the reader in the wrong direction.

"She was greeted by her family in various fashions"

In this sentence fashion was written to mean a mannerism not a clothing style


Looking at it aesthetically, it does look a bit odd. I don't think that I've ever seen the word, 'fashions' used in the context it is here. However, after reading it a few times to myself, it sounds grand.

Personally, I wouldn't write the sentence myself. However, we all bring our own literary quirks to our writing. If I had a cent for every time the Word 2007 Grammer check tells me that the structure of mysentences is grammatically incorrect, when it actually sounds fine, I would have a bit of money.

sulcus
 04 Apr 2011, 17:16 #114816 Reply To Post
Oh for goodness, sakes, the problem is not with the word 'fashions' - it's with the word 'various'. If the responses were varied, why not describe them, rather than tamping them back down with a cover-all 'various' that tells the reader nothing other than there was a spectrum of responses, but of what we know not. So why bother to tell us even that?
"A,B&E", "Not In My Name" and "52FF" (flash fiction anthology) all available on Amazon Kindle

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stjerome
 04 Apr 2011, 19:51 #114821 Reply To Post
Yes, Ben, it's a crap sentence.
(And it's telling not showing!)

Tim
Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited.
Ambrose Bierce (1842 -1913)
notleyab
 04 Apr 2011, 20:37 #114823 Reply To Post
Quote: BenjaminHiggott, Sunday, 3 Apr 2011 23:09
I laughed when I read the following sentance in a book, but after thinking about it some more, it's technically correct. Would you write it? And what are your thoughts on the use of simlar words that may lead the reader in the wrong direction.

"She was greeted by her family in various fashions"

In this sentence fashion was written to mean a mannerism not a clothing style

So let us into the secret, who wrote it?

DaiBach
 06 Apr 2011, 06:58 #114864 Reply To Post
Quote: notleyab, Monday, 4 Apr 2011 11:15


how dare you. go wash yr mouth out - fingers at least - with soap & water.
the day you write a tenth as well as George I promise you an all five score sheet on here.
OK, with BD he was getting into the flow, but the fact he's still so readable after so many years says reams.
A bit like 60s music - he stands the test of time.


Ha! I have finished Orwell's 'Burmese Days' now and everything I wrote is true.

Now, I am half-way through re-reading 'Emma' by a girl called Jane Austen.

Apparently, it was written at the time of the Battle of Waterloo and let me tell you this, it is dreadful. . . too much back story, constant 'Authorial Intervention', even POV problems. She would never be published today.

If only she had been on a creative writing course!

And she uses exclamation marks!

And her dialogue goes on and on and on!

Why, oh why, oh why, do people think she is a great writer?

For me, straight 1's on YWO.

Next week, 'Washington Square', by Henry James.


This post was last edited by DaiBach, 06 Apr 2011, 07:01
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