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DaiBach
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I am re-writing a book, originally written in the present tense, to the past tense. And, shaking my 'self-belief' I find I am dithering over whether 'factual things' should be present or past.
A in the following:-
Sha’Di looked at the grandfather, Niyol was slow, lazy, she didn’t understand why he would use such a horse on a trip like this. He smiled, “Niyol is a cautious horse, he will never go where he senses danger. A good horse to lead us if we are in mountain mist. Now, go and prepare.”
Sha’Di knew better than to argue, and almost as a small reward when she turned away, he said, “We will go to Naa Tsis Aan, the Sacred Mountain, Klah will be there”.
Naa Tsis Aan is also called Navajo Mountain and it is more than a day’s ride from Juniper Ridge up into southern Utah. Sha'Di was riding Gaagii but, with Chei leading on Niyol, as she expected, the pace was slow. To begin with they passed through countryside well known to Sha’Di. Over rocky plains, down into sandy draws, sage and mesquite all around them, the bees busy drawing in the last of the nectar before the early autumn sun paled into winter.
As you can see it is written in the past, BUT the first sentence in the second paragraph is, for me, a fact and always was, and will be. Should it, therefore not be in the present tense, (as written) or should I put it in the past tense to conform with the rest?
I would be grateful for a bit of help here.
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Trik19
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Quote: DaiBach, Saturday, 27 Aug 2011 08:32I am re-writing a book, originally written in the present tense, to the past tense. And, shaking my 'self-belief' I find I am dithering over whether 'factual things' should be present or past. A in the following:- Sha’Di looked at the grandfather, Niyol was slow, lazy, she didn’t understand why he would use such a horse on a trip like this. He smiled, “Niyol is a cautious horse, he will never go where he senses danger. A good horse to lead us if we are in mountain mist. Now, go and prepare.” Sha’Di knew better than to argue, and almost as a small reward when she turned away, he said, “We will go to Naa Tsis Aan, the Sacred Mountain, Klah will be there”. Naa Tsis Aan is also called Navajo Mountain and it is more than a day’s ride from Juniper Ridge up into southern Utah. Sha'Di was riding Gaagii but, with Chei leading on Niyol, as she expected, the pace was slow. To begin with they passed through countryside well known to Sha’Di. Over rocky plains, down into sandy draws, sage and mesquite all around them, the bees busy drawing in the last of the nectar before the early autumn sun paled into winter. As you can see it is written in the past, BUT the first sentence in the second paragraph is, for me, a fact and always was, and will be. Should it, therefore not be in the present tense, (as written) or should I put it in the past tense to conform with the rest? I would be grateful for a bit of help here. HI DaiBach, I'm sure there's someone far more qualified to answer this, but for me, I would definitely notice the switch in tenses when reading this. You could take out the is/was altogether in the first sentence: Naa Tsis Aan, also called Navajo Mountain, was more than a day’s ride from Juniper Ridge up into southern Utah. As I said, I'm definitely not the grammar queen and no doubt someone will have the right answer for you. Hope it works out for you Triona
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Athene
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Depends on the pov, I think. If you're using Sha'Di's pov throughout, then I think perhaps past tense, because she was thinking that particular piece of information; but if you're using omniscient narrator, then I think it has to be present tense. I keep being picked up on my use of the present tense at the end of this sentence: "I welcomed him first in Latin and then in the Celtic tongue, neither of which could he understand, and in turn I listened as he spoke to me in the harsh, guttural language that was to mellow and sweeten over the years under the influence of our more melodious Celtic speech, into the softer Saxon dialect that you hear in these parts today." I think it has to be "that you hear in these parts today" because I have a first person narrator who at that point is referring to his own present day.
Scias te fortasse Romanum esse si animal convivialissimum arbitreris esse caprum (Henricus Barbatus) my website
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browser1
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I would agree with Trik, to a point. Instead of 'Naa Tsis Aan, also called Navajo Mountain, was more than a day’s ride from Juniper Ridge up into southern Utah', just change it to 'Naa Tsis Aan, also called Navajo Mountain, is more than a day’s ride from Juniper Ridge up into southern Utah'.
Sha'Di is relating the event in the past tense. However, the location of Navajo Mountain will always remain constant, relative to where she is in the scene. In my opinion, there is no problem with keeping it in the present tense.
And having read your post again, I guess I'm trying to say that your own instinct in how to write the piece is correct.
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DaiBach
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Thank you all for your help.
Decision time.
Past Tense it is.
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chickin
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Okay, I too struggle with this. I am writing in past and first person. So, rather than, '... it was about the only place left that let us kids in.' I should write, '... it is the only place left that still let us kids in.' Correct? Because it was, but still is the only place etc. Is that right? Moving on from that, I'm still getting in a tizz about past/present during dialogue. I know it's difficult taking things out of context etc. but consider the following: He picked up the first of a dozen sugar sachets and shook it by a corner, emptied it in his mug and stirred. “It’s only been a couple of days. Any idea where she might have gone this time?” I looked him dead in the eye. “Nope.” I didn’t want him to say it, not out loud. But Toby does as he likes. “Was she involved in that business over in Swansea, do you think?” He picked up and shook another sachet. Should that read, 'Toby did as he liked'? I mean he still does as he likes. Always has done, always will. We switch to present during dialogue, don't we? For the inbetweeny bits and beats too? I think I'm going mad over here.
I deleted my sig.
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PERRY
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Quote: chickin Should that read, 'Toby did as he liked'? I mean he still does as he likes. Always has done, always will. No, fine the way it is. It's the tense of the perpetual and can be used amid any normal tense.
This post was last edited by PERRY, 12 Jan 2012, 12:16
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chickin
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Quote: PERRY, Thursday, 12 Jan 2012 12:10Quote: chickin Should that read, 'Toby did as he liked'? I mean he still does as he likes. Always has done, always will. No, fine the way it is. It's the tense of the perpetual and can be used amid any normal tense. Right. Thanks, Perry. I must remember that, 'tense of the perpetual'.
I deleted my sig.
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Help on grammar please . . .
27 Aug 2011, 08:32
