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paulack
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An agent has asked to see my full manuscript for What My Heart Knows Now. It's the first time this has happened. I've changed the beginning of my story and some other scenes to see if it improves the book. Would anyone be able to do a free will for me? I will be able to reciprocate next week (this weekend I'll be madly editing the rest of the manuscript so I can send it off by Monday). I'd really appreciate having lots of opinions... but only if you like the genre (or are able to review a work despite the genre not being 'your thing.')
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Cinnamon
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Quote: paulack, Friday, 20 Aug 2010 19:10An agent has asked to see my full manuscript for What My Heart Knows Now. It's the first time this has happened. I've changed the beginning of my story and some other scenes to see if it improves the book. Would anyone be able to do a free will for me? I will be able to reciprocate next week (this weekend I'll be madly editing the rest of the manuscript so I can send it off by Monday). I'd really appreciate having lots of opinions... but only if you like the genre (or are able to review a work despite the genre not being 'your thing.') I don't think I can do a freewill in time, and it's not really my genre, but... Don't rush your edits. Tell the agent you're making some improvements. He/she won't mind waiting a couple of weeks or even a month or so. Good luck and well done!
E-asy Peasy?
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paulack
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Thanks....I didn't realize that was an option. I thought I had to get it out to her immediately.
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Christine Ivy
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Hi,Danica. It seems I cannot give you a freewill review because I have reviewed your novel already, but I have read it again anyway because I enjoyed it so much first time round.
I see you have made some improvements and it reads even better. Well done.
I noted a few things you might like to tidy up:
“N?o, Jorge,” says the taller one who stands beside him.
…typo here … extraneous ‘?’
I watch the sly look form and pass between them and as they press in closer.
…another typo… extraneous ‘and’ between ‘them’ and ‘as’
“He likes you, Isabel,” she says trying again.
…comma after ‘says’.
“But she had six boys?” he demands, as if it’s vital to make sure of this fact. “Six?”
“Sim,” she says nodding.
…do you mean ‘six’ here?
Also, I know I mentioned this before, but...
April 2nd is the day I was born and the day my sister dies.
It started with a whisper.
…sorry, but, to me, this still reads as though April 2nd started with a whisper so I expected her sister to die that day… but she doesn’t and it wasn’t April the 2nd that started with a whisper.
I know the phrase 'It started with a whisper.' is a really neat phrase and a good way to start the actual story... but it really is misleading. I'm sorry.
Otherwise, this is a great read and I do hope it gets published. I will certainly buy it and read it with pleasure.
Please don't feel obliged to return the read. It was my pleasure to read your novel.
Sincerely,
Christine
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Cinnamon
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Quote: paulack, Friday, 20 Aug 2010 21:24Thanks....I didn't realize that was an option. I thought I had to get it out to her immediately. Well I'm no expert, but I've had two agents ask to read my MS and when I've gone back and told them it isn't quite ready, they've been happy to wait.
E-asy Peasy?
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paulack
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Thank you, Christine. This is just what I needed. I changed the opening paragraph from the old version because too many reviewers felt it gave too much away. I'm stuck on the April 2nd thing because it comes back again later on. April 2nd is the day she meets Leandro and years later April 2nd will be the day her sister dies. But I can see the confusion it causes. I will have to find a way to fix it. Thanks again for looking at it and I will definitely do a free will for you next week when I'm finished editing the remaining chapters.
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YouWriteOn
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Quote: paulack, Friday, 20 Aug 2010 19:10An agent has asked to see my full manuscript for What My Heart Knows Now. It's the first time this has happened. I've changed the beginning of my story and some other scenes to see if it improves the book. Would anyone be able to do a free will for me? I will be able to reciprocate next week (this weekend I'll be madly editing the rest of the manuscript so I can send it off by Monday). I'd really appreciate having lots of opinions... but only if you like the genre (or are able to review a work despite the genre not being 'your thing.') Hi paulack That's great, looking in admin I can see that you have some very high ratings from readers. Who's the agent? You can email if you'd prefer not to post. Ted
This post was last edited by YouWriteOn, 21 Aug 2010, 14:44
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paulack
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Ted, I will look up the information in my files and send you an email about it to you tomorrow.
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paulack
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Tim, Thanks for your freewill review. I really appreciate how carefully you went through the chapters. I will have another look at that section with the boys in the schoolyard and see how I can improve those paragraphs. Expect a freewill next week. Thanks again for your help.
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timellis
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Quote: paulack, Sunday, 22 Aug 2010 13:34Tim, Thanks for your freewill review. I really appreciate how carefully you went through the chapters. I will have another look at that section with the boys in the schoolyard and see how I can improve those paragraphs. Expect a freewill next week. Thanks again for your help. You're welcome, Danica, Hope everything goes well. You don't have to do a FW, but if wild horses won't stop you, you have the choice of: The Rice Bowl of Death - War story about the Siege of Dein Bein Phu in 1954. Jacob's Ladder - Serial killer chopping up families. Body 13 - Murder mystery with a bit of humour. Time's Arrow - SciFi mystery. The Village on the Quaggy - A YA humourous story about a bunch of animals. I have no preference.
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Free Will Exchange Anyone?
20 Aug 2010, 19:10
